On Good Friday I was sitting in church watching a dramatic and artsy depiction of Jesus before and on the cross (booming baroque playing organ and all). I was watching through the lense of a question I had been pondering - was the whole cross event weak or strong?
Some might say Jesus was weak hanging there half dead, blood everywhere and in total agony. Some might say that of course it was strong - the death of Jesus conquered the enemy completely! You might say Jesus chose to be weak, where he could have been stronger in resisting death. And in that moment of weakness there was a lot of strength to save humanity.
So what is at the root of my question?
Well I have been pondering childbirth lately. It is fairly imminent and I had a moment this week of "There is a baby inside me and he has to come out!" There is no option about this - it is the most certain thing!
I have been wondering whether the surrender during childbirth is strong, or weak. You are submitting to your body. You are surrendering your physical self to god, and probably your emotional/spiritual self too. It is like falling face down on the floor and not moving. Weakness. Surrender. (I know people don't give birth face down on the floor, that was an analogy ;-) )
Is that just weakness? A good type of weakness? Or is there strength in it?
What if you wanted to get up? But God wanted you to stay there? You had a choice. You could pull yourself up with your muscles and it would look strong. It would feel strong. But there would also be strength in choosing to stay down. How hard would that be? It depends how much you desperately wanted to get up.
I watched Jesus in the garden of gethsemane:
Gethsemane
36 Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.”
Jesus says he is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death and moves away to pray alone...
39 Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed. “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” ... being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Now he goes back to the desciples and finds them asleep...
“Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. 41 “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”
And here I saw the paradox. The desciples can't stay awake even though Jesus asked them to. We have to assume that they wanted to, but they couldn't do it! "The spirit is willing but the body is weak."
But Jesus...
42 He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”
Jesus is sitting there saying "God have your way, do your will, I will do this if it is the only way." Jesus can choose. Jesus has the strength in God to choose and eventually to follow through. The humans are still failing though...
43 When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy.
I asked God again as I sang, "was Jesus on the cross weak or strong?"
"When you are weak I am strong. My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in your weakness," whispered Holy Spirit.
That brought tears to my eyes because the cross was such a beautiful sacrifice for all the weakness of our humanity.
And what have I decided about childbirth?
Let's go back to the lying on the floor analogy. Staying down takes a mighty lot of will-power and choice to surrender. I see, magnified through the repeated failure of the disciples to stay awake, that I may not have the strength in me to do it. None of us do. But in our weakness God is strong and He can make us able.
So, I have decided that letting God take over my body during birth is strength. The strength of choosing and following through. It is fleshly weak and soul-strong, but through the power of God.
Fleshly weak and soul-strong.
As was Jesus, letting himself be nailed to a cross and the last breath be taken from him.
As was Jesus, letting himself be nailed to a cross and the last breath be taken from him.
* * * * *
My husband and I are pleased to share a freshly recorded version of 'Jesus Won' - a song I wrote for Easter last year.
"In a Garden before God, Jesus said, "Not my will but yours, Father take this cup from me." But on his knees he knew he had won."
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